dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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