whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
