They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
