Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My life is pants optional.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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