I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
