Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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