My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
