i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize