And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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