Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize