i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
