your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize