Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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