I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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