I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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