Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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