Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
