Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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