i just had sex bonerless
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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