Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
