So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
