Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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