I just threw up on my dentist
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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