She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
