I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
