dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
