Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
