my soul wont recognize me after tonight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
