so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
