Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
