Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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