I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
well you can't waste a boner
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
