Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
