I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
