So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
