Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
