I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
