Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
