whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
