I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
