none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
