i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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