We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
