Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
