remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
