is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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