Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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