Pants 0. Shit 1.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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