Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
