i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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