Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
