You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize