I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
