these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
