if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
