she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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