Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
