Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
