Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
