I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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