So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My penis needs a shock collar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
