yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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