And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize