Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
