I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
